


Camp Half-Blood gets Facebook

by MuffinsandUnicorns



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-05
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2018-04-07 19:05:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 12,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4274559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MuffinsandUnicorns/pseuds/MuffinsandUnicorns
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I read a couple (Well, a lot) of these on Wattpad and started writing them myself as a part of my other fanfic.<br/>On the request of GreekEgyptianGoddess, I'll write some unrelated to that.</p><p>It's basically the characters of the series on facebook... Being totally random.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Name change

**Author's Note:**

  * For [GreekEgyptianGoddess](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreekEgyptianGoddess/gifts).



> These stories usually begin with an introducing chapter, but I'm not going to do that because boring to write.  
> So: Everyone gets facebook and laughs a little at Hazel because she's still not so great with electronics.  
> Everyone friends everyone.

**Drama Queen has updated his status:**

WHO DID THIS?!

_260 people have liked this status._

_Comments:_

**The Wine Dude** : What happened to my username?

 **Cereal-obsessed** : I’m not cereal-obsessed!!!!

 **Zeus’ Toy** : What’s happening? My phone keeps saying ‘ding’.

 **Zeus’ Toy** : Well, that’s rather harsh…

 **Zeus’ Toy** : The Hacker does have a valid point though...

 **Drama Queen** : Hey! I take offense!

 **Zeus’ Toy:** Yeah… I don’t care…

 **Persassy Johnson:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! XD Zeus the Drama Queen!

 **Drama Queen:** I’LL BLAST YOU TO PIECES YOU PUNY MORTAL!!!!!!

 **Persassy Johnson** : I LOVE MY NAME!!!! I AM THE KING OF SASS, PEOPLE!!

 **DEAD FISH:** If you touch my son, I will throw you into the depths of Tartarus!

 **Drama Queen** : Like you can…

 **Zeus’ Toy** : He can with my help…

 **Drama Queen** : Hera? Why would you betray me?

 **Zeus’ Toy** : … You’re kidding, right?

 **DEAD FISH** : Bro, look at her username… You totally deserve it…

 **Drama Queen** : Feelin’ the love…

._____________________________________________________________________.

 **Repair Boy** : Well that is one obese whale.

 **Repair Boy** : Hey! At least make it Repair Man!!

_Repair Boy has changed his name to Repair Man._

**Repair Man:** Thank you.

 **Bob the Builder** : I like mine. CAN I FIX IT? YES I CAN!

 **SPARKLES:** Piper… Is this some kind of joke?

 **Gucci Lover:** NO! WHOEVER DID THIS WILL PERISH! I. DO. NOT. LOVE. GUCCI! I DON’T EVEN LIKE GUCCI! I DON’T EVEN OWN A SINGLE GUCCI ITEM!! And Jeez, it’s Sparky, not Sparkles… Get your facts straight, hacker.

 **SPARKLES:** This username is so gay…

_Gucci Lover, Repair Man, Persassy Johnson and 136 others have liked this comment._

**Persassy Johnson** : Yes!

 **SPARKLES:** Not as gay as yours though…

 **Persassy Johnson** : Nuh-uh! You did not just go there. *does sassy dance*

 **Drama Queen:** If you’re trying to tell me you’re gay, I’ll disown you.

 **SPARKLES:** a) No, I’m not gay (I love you, Pipes.).

b) Hypocrite much?

c) Fine. You’ll outlive me anyway.

 **Zeus’ Toy:** I guess there’s a first time for everything: Your son is right. BTW it won’t let me

change back.

 **Drama Queen** : I’m. Not. Gay.

 **Zeus’ Toy** : You go both ways.

 **Drama Queen:** No I don’t!

 **Zeus’ Toy** : I remember a certain Trojan boy… In fact, he’s impossible for me to forget since he still lives in my ‘home’.

 **Drama Queen** : It's called pederasty! Eh, okay, that sounds bad … Let’s just focus on the problem at hand…

_Blue Arrow has logged on._

**Blue Arrow** : You said it Valdez! You said it! >:)

 **Repair Man** : O.O

 **Zeus’ Toy** : Thals, can you kill him later?

 **Blue Arrow:** ‘Kay then.

 **Drama Queen** : … Whut?

 **Zeus’ Toy** : She’s not THAT bad.

 **Blue Arrow** : I don’t hate her anymore.

 **Drama Queen** : … Whut?

 **Blue Arrow** : Just ignore him?

 **Zeus’ Toy** : Just ignore him.

 **Drama Queen:** Who did this? I will smite you!!

_Crickets chirping._

**Zeus’ Toy:** Yeah, that’s going to make them come forward… Everyone who has been hacked, comment your name. -Hera

 **Drama Queen** : -Zeus

 **The Wine Dude:** -Dionysus

 **Cereal-obsessed:** -Demeter

 **Persassy Johnson:** -Percy

 **DEAD FISH** : -Poseidon

 **Repair Man:** -Leo

 **Bob the Builder:** -Hephaestus

 **SPARKLES** : -Jason

 **Gucci Lover:** -Piper

 **misMatched** : >:( -Aphrodite

 **Grenade:** -Ares

 **King of Thieves** : -Hermes

 **Fortune Cookies:** -Nemesis

 **Pink Fluffy Unicorns Dancing On Rainbows:** What’s with the ‘-’? -Iris

 **Da Gurl on Fiyah:** I don’t know -Hestia -.-’

 **Zeus’ Toy:** I used it to indicate that what I was saying was over… Then the rest did it without a purpose...

 **I KILLED FISH:** -Hades BTW stupid name. Like I waste my time on fish…

 **Best Dad Ever** : Well. SOMEBODY (*cough cough* hacker *cough cough*) has daddy

issues… And a terrible sense of humor. -Kronos

 **Da Gurl on Fiyah** : You

 **Cereal-obsessed:** have

 **Zeus’ Toy:** got

 **I KILLED FISH** : to

 **DEAD FISH** : be

 **Drama Queen:** kidding

 **Horse's Ass:** ! -Chiron. And Woah, turn down the hate!

 **Best Dad Ever:** Okay I take the last part back… Your names are hi-la-ri-ous.

 **I hate god(desse)s** : Hi great-grandfather. And other family. FYI it’s Luke.

 **King of Thieves:** Yeah I figured.

 **I hate god(desse)s** : WTH such a stupid name. I CHANGED MY MIND YOU (facebook has

deleted this content)

_Best Dad Ever has changed his name to Darth Vader._

**Darth Vader:** Dam! I wish I had named one of my sons Luke… That would’ve been epic. You  

know what? I’ll just rename y’all, the girls too.

 **Kids of Kronos:** Ehm yeah no.

 **Apples** : Dam XD -Grover

 **Blue Arrow** : Hahaha… This is so funny I need to use the dam restroom -Thalia

 **Starcrossed:** I still don’t get thy joke. -Zoë

 **Drama Queen:** Brother, how do the dead have internet access?

 **I KILLED FISH:** We have great Wi-Fi! Admitted, we’ve had some security issues -it’s

supposed to be just for Elysium…

 **Drama Queen:** Just shut it down for everyone ‘till you figure those out… There are some

people I really don’t want to talk to.

 **I KILLED FISH:** He upset Hera, didn’t he?

 **Drama Queen:** ...Yeah…

 **I KILLED FISH:** Typical…

 **Drama Queen** : Cut her some slack, will you?

 **I KILLED FISH:** I get it bro… Not that stupid. Goddess of family -father issues, not a good

combo… Aight I’ll shut it down when the name thing is resolved.

 **Zeus’ Toy:** Right here, you know. And I’m fine. Gee.

_awkward silence_

**Repair Man:** *Breaks awkward silence with sarcastic comment* -Leo

 **Drama Queen:** ?

 **I KILLED FISH:** ?

 **Repair Man** : I couldn’t think of a sarcastic comment so…

 **Drama Queen** : Oh.

 **I KILLED FISH:** ^pointless comment

 **Fails all guys:** -Artemis. And really? All guys fail me.

 **Encuclopediaaah:** *Encyclopedia -Annabeth

 **The HAWT Strategist** : YOU’RE DOOMED, HACKER!! -Athena

 **Huge Ego** ; -.- Apollo. You’re dead. Just saying.

 **Nico <3 Thalia**: I DO NOT LIKE THALIA!! I’M GAY I SWEAR I LOVE WILL NOT THALIA!!!!

 **Sunshine 1:** I’d hope so -x Will

 **Sunshine 2:** Really? I’m second to that guy? -Calypso

 **Sunshine 1:** Why, thank you. -.-

 **Repair Man:** You’re second to no one, sunshine.

 **Fails all guys:** So, Nico… Are you saying my lieutenant isn’t likeable?

 **Nico <3 Thalia:** … NO! No of course not.

 **Fails all guys** : So you do like her?

 **Nico <3 Thalia:** Ehm… Yes. No. Nes? Yeah I guess?

 **Fails all guys:** >:( She’s a Hunter!!

 **Nico <3 Thalia:** So, no?

 **I KILLED FISH** : Arty, stop teasing him…

 **Fails all guys** : OK uncle H.

_Fails all guys has changed her name to Fails all guys but I KILLED FISH._

**BEAST!:** -Frank

 **Metal Detector Zombie Girl** : -Hazel. And thanks. Really. Not like I’m trying to forget about that

or anything.

 **SecondToAll** : That’s not insulting at all. Note the irony. -Reyna

 **DeceasedStuffedAnimal** : -Octavian

 **Everyone** : Go away!

_DeceasedStuffedAnimal has logged off._

**ColaIsBetterThanKool-Aid** : -Dakota AND NO! LIAR!!

 **Talosslayer:** This is actually a compliment, I think. -Bianca

 **Nico <3 Thalia:** HI BIANCA!!!

 **Talosslayer** : Hey lil’ bro! I heard you found a nice boyfriend! I’m so happy for you!

 **Nico <3 Thalia**: So you don’t mind?

 **Talosslayer:** Of course not.

 **Child:** -Hebe I’M THE GODDESS OF YOUTH NOT A CHILD YOU (facebook has deleted this

content) AND FACEBOOK DON’T YOU DARE DELETE THIS CONTENT YOU (facebook has deleted this content)

 **WorldClassJerk** : -Herakles Wow H, didn’t know you could get that angry. Calm down, okay?

Also. I’m not a jerk.

 **Persassy Johnson** : *cough cough* Of course you aren’t.

 **SPARKLES:** Of course not.

 **Child:** … He’s really not THAT bad…

 **Persassy Johnson** : Okay.

 **SPARKLES:** Yeah. If you say so…

 **InTheMiddle:** -Malcolm

 **Some** : -Travis That’s

 **One:** -Connor creepy.

 **Grenade Junior:** -Clarisse

 **Way Too Difficult Name:** -Nyssa

 **Ugly Barbie:** >:( -Drew

 **Maze Runner:** -Chris. Sadist much?

 **Zeus’ Toy:** Okay, so, who didn’t get hacked?

 **Drama Queen:** Why is that relevant?

 **Zeus’ Toy:** ‘cause that person is most likely our hacker.

 **Drama Queen:** Oh yeah.

 **King of Thieves** : I know who the hacker is.

 **Zeus’ Toy:** Who?

 **King of Thieves:** The hacker made me promise not to tell. Unless you all swear on the river

Styx not to hurt them.

 **Drama Queen:** Hades no.

 **I KILLED FISH:** STOP USING MY NAME AS A CURSE!

 **Zeus’ Toy:** Did you promise, Hermes?

 **King of Thieves:** No. And I like the way your mind works ;).

 **Drama Queen:** *growls* Boundaries, Hermes. You’re crossing the line. She’s mine.

 **Zeus’ Toy:** I’m a person. You don’t own me. Also, you’re the one to talk about boundaries.

Thirdly, he didn’t cross any lines.

 **Drama Queen:** He sent you a winky face!

 **Zeus’ Toy:** Hey, Hades?

 **I KILLED FISH:** Yes?

 **Zeus’ Toy** : ;)

 **I KILLED FISH** : ;)

 **Drama Queen:** >:( STAY AWAY FROM HER YOU CREEP!   

 **Zeus’ Toy** : Seriously?

 **I KILLED FISH** : Bro she’s my sister too. I can send my siblings as many winky faces as I

want.

Zeus: ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

Poseidon: ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

Hera: ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

Demeter: ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

Hestia: ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

 **Drama Queen** : >:(

 **Cereal-obsessed:** Don’t send me winky faces, you kidnapping freak!

 **I KILLED FISH:** It’s to annoy Zeus.

 **Cereal-obsessed:** Okay then.

Zeus: ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

Poseidon: ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

Hades: ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

Hera: ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

Hestia: ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

 **Drama Queen:** >:( >:(

**Da Gurl on Fiyah:**

Zeus: ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

Poseidon: ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

Hades: ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

Hera: ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

Demeter: ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

 **Drama Queen:** >:( >:( >:(

**DEAD FISH:**

Zeus: ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

Hades: ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

Hera: ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

Demeter: ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

Hestia: ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

 **Drama Queen:** >:( >:( >:( >:(

**Zeus’ Toy:**

Zeus: ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

Poseidon: ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

Hades: ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

Demeter: ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

Hestia: ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

 **Drama Queen:** >:( >:( >:( >:( >:(

 **Persassy Johnson:** Hey guys… There’s a twister alarm in forty states… Please stop...

 **I KILLED FISH:** woops XD :s

 **Zeus’ Toy:** Woops indeed. Zeus, calm down.

 **Drama Queen:**   >:( >:( >:( >:( >:(

 **Zeus’ Toy:** Please? *puppy dog eyes*

 **Drama Queen:** Fine!! Just don’t look at me like that!! You know I can’t deal with it!!!

 **Zeus’ Toy:** Back to the original point… Everyone just promise then Hermes can punish them.

 **Everyone:** All right, I swear on the river Styx.

 **King of Thieves;** Awesome! The hacker is…

 **Everyone:** Yes?

_King of Thieves has changed his name to Hermes, AKA the Hacker_

**Drama Queen** : Told you this was a bad idea.

 **Zeus’ Toy:** Sure. Blame me.

_Zeus’ Toy has logged off._

**Drama Queen:** I didn’t mean to…

_Drama Queen has logged off._

**The HAWT Strategist** : Well played, Hermes, well played… NOW CHANGE OUR NAMES

BACK!!

 **Hermes AKA the Hacker:** Aight. Take a chill pill.

_Everyones names go back to normal._

_Percy Jackson has changed his name to Persassy Jackson._

**Annabeth Chase:** Really, Seaweed Brain?

 **Persassy Jackson** : Yes.

 **Annabeth Chase:** Why?

 **Persassy Jackson:** Because awesomesauce.

 **Jason Grace:** Bro… Not cool…

 **Persassy Jackson:** Nuh-uh bro. You did not just go there.

 **Jason Grace** : Seriously change it back.

 **Persassy Jackson:** The Persassy doesn’t take orders from an un-awesome person like you.

 **Jason Grace:** Please tell me I’m not the only one who read that and imagined him *snapping

his fingers in Z-formation*

 **Hermes:** Nope.

 **Frank Zhang:** Nope.

 **Everyone:** Nope.

_Everyone has logged off._

_Persassy Jackson has logged off because they can’t deal with his sass._

 

 


	2. Winky Face Wars

**Leo Valdez > Hephaestus Cabin:** ;);););)

 **Hephaestus Cabin > Leo Valdez:** ;););););)

 **Leo Valdez > Hephaestus Cabin:** Oh no you didn’t…

 **Hephaestus Cabin > Leo Valdez:** Oh yes we did.

 **Leo Valdez > Hephaestus Cabin:** Oh IT’S ON!

 **Hephaestus Cabin > Leo Valdez:** Bring it, Repair Boy. ;)

 **Leo Valdez > Hephaestus Cabin:** You asked for it my dears ;)

_Leo Valdez and the Hephaestus Cabin have logged off._

  
  


**Hephaestus > Ares, Hebe, Eileithyia, Apollo, Artemis, Herakles, Thalia Grace, Jason Grace and 1 million others:** ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

  
  


**Ares > Hephaestus:** What’s your problem punk! We may have the same parents but we’re NOT related.

 **Hephaestus > Ares:** The fact that we have the same parents makes us siblings. ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

 **Ares > Hephaestus:** Stop that now punk

 **Hephaestus > Ares:** Or what my dear brother? ;););););)

 **Ares > Hephaestus:** I’ll call mom. >:)

 **Hephaestus > Ares:** Please do, it's been a while since I’ve had a good laugh at your expense. ;);););););););););)

 **Ares > Hephaestus:** F*** you!

 **Hephaestus > Ares:** F*** your girlfriend? Yes.

  
  


**Apollo > Hephaestus:** ;) ;) ;)

 **Hephaestus > Apollo**: ;) ;) ;) ;)

 **Apollo > Hephaestus:** ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) BTW what’s with the winky faces?

 **Hephaestus > Apollo:** Send winky faces to siblings to annoy father. ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

 **Apollo > Hephaestus**: Oh okay! ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

 **Hebe > Hephaestus:** … Are you okay?

 **Hephaestus > Hebe**: Yeah, why? ;) ;)

 **Hebe > Hephaestus:** You’re never this… Happy…

 **Hephaestus > Hebe:** What makes you think I’m ‘happy’? ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

 **Hebe > Hephaestus**: Nothing…

  
  


**Eileithyia > Hebe**: … Is he… Brainwashed? Or… Taken over by aliens?

 **Hebe > Eileithyia**: He says he’s fine.

 **Eileithyia > Hebe:** Alright then ;)

 **Hebe > Eileithyia:** WHAT DOES EVERYONE HAVE WITH THE WINKY FACES?

 **Eileithyia > Hebe:** They say it annoys father ;) ;)

 **Hebe > Eileithyia**: Oooooooh. ;) ;) ;) ;)

  
  


**Artemis > Hephaestus:** LEAVE ME ALONE CREEP

  
  


**Herakles > Hephaestus:** Why are you talking to me?

  
  


**Thalia Grace > Hephaestus**: ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

 **Hephaestus > Thalia Grace:** Finally someone who gets it ;)

 **Thalia Grace > Hephaestus:** Now stop messaging me Lady Artemis is going to kill me. And

you.

  
  


_1 million others > Hephaestus:_ No. Just no.

  
  


_Apollo has updated his status:_

;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) _~with his siblings._

_Hephaestus, Hebe, Leo Valdez and 363 others like this status._

_Comments:_

**King Zeus:** Cut it out.

 **Eileithyia** : ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

 **King Zeus** : Cut. It. Out.

 **Queen Hera** : Just a word of warning - I wouldn’t push any further.

  
  


_Leo Valdez has updated his status:_

I made a winky face machine :3 >:) _~with the Hephaestus Cabin._

_Hephaestus likes this status._

_Comments:_

**Hephaestus Cabin** : So did we.

 **King Zeus:** The first to use it dies.

 **Leo Valdez:** I’m immortal.

 **King Zeus:** Every gift can be taken away.

 **Queen Hera:** Not every gift…

  
  


_~private chat between King Zeus and Queen Hera~_

**King Zeus:** What did you do?

 **Queen Hera:** Nothing.

 **King Zeus:** -.-’ YOU made him immortal. WHY?

 **Queen Hera:** … I don’t know. But it means you can’t take it away, though.

 **King Zeus:** *le facepalm*

 **Queen Hera** : Oh like you always have a good reason for everything you do.

 **King Zeus:** I’m not as impulsive as you.

 **Queen Hera:** I’m really not that impulsive… I do something impulsive like once every 300

years.

 **King Zeus:** Hey, Hera?

 **Queen Hera:** No, you’re talking to Maria -.-’

 **King Zeus** : ;)

  
  


_King Zeus updated his status:_

No more winky faces to siblings.

_No one likes this status._

_Be the first to comment._

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

_Jason Grace has updated his status:_

Why do the Hunters keep beating us?! We had them outnumbered five to one! _~with Thalia Grace, the Hunters_

_The Hunters and Artemis like this status._

_Comments:_

**Thalia Grace:** *flips hair* What did you expect?

 **Nico di Angelo** : Is it weird that that made me think of a Schweppes commercial?

 **Annabeth Chase:** Yes.

 **Frank Zhang:** No.

 **Hazel Levesque** : *raises eyebrow*

 **Frank Zhang** : I mean, yes. Sorry, autocorrect.

 

_Leo Flaming Valdez has updated his status:_

This girl is on fire!

_Hephaestus and Calypso Valdez like this status._

_Comments:_

**Piper Grace:** Did you change genders?

_Jason Grace, Nico di Angelo, Frank Zhang and 4568 others like this comment._

**Leo Flaming Valdez:** Meanies!!

 

_Percy Jackson has updated his status:_

Remember when we were young and innocent?

_Comments:_

**Annabeth Chase:** Ehm, Percy? You alright?

 **Percy Jackson:** I just realized I’ve become old…

 **Annabeth Chase** : You’re only 17?!

 **Percy Jackson:** In my head, Wise Girl… I’ve grown up, and I must say I distinctly dislike the feeling.

 **Annabeth Chase:** … Say what now?

 **Percy Jackson** : It’s been so long since I’ve done something, not because I had to, or because it was my responsibility, but because I wanted to, because it was fun, or even because I couldn’t control my anger.

 **Annabeth Chase:** Uh-uh? Perce, do you want some blue cookies?

 **Tyson:** Cookies?

 **Percy Jackson** : Where?

 **Jason Grace:** Can I have some?

 **Frank Zhang:** And I?

 **Reyna Ramírez-Arellano:** You’re at CJ…

 **Frank Zhang** : :( Sometimes I don’t like being praetor…

 **Reyna Ramírez-Arellano:** Me either...

 **Octavian:** Should have let me take over, then!

 **Dakota** : Ah, man! I thought you were dead and in the Fields of Punishment being sliced open by teddybears or something!

 **Hades** : He is! Problems with the Wi-Fi again…

 **Frank Zhang:** Send us some of those cookies, please? Pretty please with a Percy on top?

 **Hazel Levesque:** Send some for me too? Ever since I found out about chicken nuggets, I’ve been trying new things. I haven’t had blue cookies yet.

 **Piper McLean** : GIVE ME ALL THE COOKIES!

 **Everyone:** We’ll give you the cookies.

 **Piper McLean:** Yassss!

 **Percy Jackson:** But they’re miiiiiiiiine! *whines*

 **Annabeth Chase** :  Don’t worry guys, you won’t grow up even if you live forever...

 

 _Nico di Angelo has updated her status:_  
Roses are red and violets are blue,

get in my way and I will kill you.  
 _Comments:_

 **Hazel Levesque:** ...  
 **Nico di Angelo:** What? Will asked me to write a poem!  
 **Will Solace** : I didn’t mean thát kind of poem…

 **Nico di Angelo:** Oh.   
**Apollo:** It’s not a haiku.

 **Will Solace** : *applauds*

 **Nico di Angelo:**  
I don’t write haikus.  
Haikus are so moronic.  
I would feel stupid.  
 **Apollo:** That’s a good haiku!  
 **Artemis** : It’s better than Apollo’s. I mean, it has five-seven-five syllables.  
 **Nico di Angelo:** It’s actually not a good haiku. It’s not syllables, it’s word signs, but we don’t have those so we make it syllables. Also, a haiku comes from a deep admiration of nature captured in a moment, the so-called haiku-moment, and is thereby nearly never written in the first person. It should also contain a seasonal word, letting the reader now in what season the haiku was written.

 **Everyone at both camps and on Olympus:** O.O

 **Nico di Angelo:** I’ve been spending time with Will…

 **Everyone at both camps and on Olympus:** You don’t say.

 **Aphrodite:** Squee!  
 **Apollo:** My existence is a lie.  
 _Apollo has logged off in tears._  
 **Nico di Angelo:** Sounds like not much of an existence…  
 **Artemis:** … Well. I can’t say you’re wrong.  
 _Artemis has logged off reluctantly to go comfort her brother._

 **Athena:** Did anyone else notice it said ' _her_ status'.

 

_Annabeth Jackson has updated her status:_

Hera's such a bitch. I mean, I did like a gazillion quests for her and she's still holding this grudge it's just petty.

_Comments:_

**Queen Hera** : You take that back you (facebook has deleted this content)

 **Annabeth Jackson** : Or what?! What will you do?

 **Queen Hera** : I'll incinerate you.

 **Annabeth Jackson:** Oh, if it's just that... YODO, right.

 **Queen Hera** : You didn't let me finish, puny mortal. Then, I will take away your memories. After doing so, I'll throw you into Tartarus.

 **Annabeth Jackson** : Been there, done that...

 **Queen Hera:** Will you let me finish? You mortals are all so impatient. After that, I'll give you back some carefully selected memories. And watch you go insane. Then, I'll place you in the Fields of Punishment. Of course, I will personally design your torture, and enjoy you suffer for eternity.

 **Annabeth Jackson** : O.o

 **Poseidon:** Calm down, sis... She's just letting off some steam... No reason to do any of that!

 **Athena:** Never thought I'd say this, but he's right.

 **Queen Hera:** *death glare* 1. It's Queen Hera to you, Poseidon. 2. Would you two like to join our... Hero... In Tartarus?

 **Poseidon:** *gulps* O_____O No, si- Queen Hera. She totally deserves it...

 **Leo Flaming Valdez** : I just spotted the extremely rare godly whale!!!!!!

 **Everyone:** -.-'

 **Leo Flaming Valdez:** Sorry. Continue.

 **Percy Jackson** : Way to go, dad! Let your evil sister kill my wife and the mother of your grandchildren.

 **Poseidon** : Ehm... SHE'S SCARY! *hides in corner*

 **Percy Jackson** : Really? I'm ashamed to be your son.

 **Poseidon** : ...

 **Annabeth Jackson:** Mom? Help?

 **Athena:** Sorry. You're on your own.

_Poseidon and Athena logged off in fear._

**Queen Hera:** That's right. FEAR ME!

 **King Zeus:** Hera... Calm down...

 **Queen Hera:**  How about no?

 **King Zeus:** Sweetheart...

 **Queen Hera:** Do. NOT. Call. Me. Sweetheart.

 **King Zeus:** But.... We're married...

 **Queen Hera:** *rolls eyes*

 **King Zeus:** But... I'm the ruler of the universe...

 **Queen Hera** : ... No styx, Sherlock...

 **King Zeus:** So... Shirley, I can call you sweetheart.

 **Queen Hera:** Who 's Shirley? Another one of your toys? Anyways. I'm getting distracted. Oh yes. I was about to smite a demigod...

 **King Zeus:** Annabeth, apologize.

 **Annabeth Jackson:** ....

 **Queen Hera:** This is going to be fun.  >:)

 **King Zeus:** Now, please.

_A minute passes._

**King Zeus** : Annabeth Louise Marie Jackson! NOW!

 **Annabeth Jackson** : O.o *grumbles* sorry...

 **Queen Hera:** Now THAT sounded sincere... Note the irony...

 **King Zeus:** Sweetheart...

 **Queen Hera:** *death glare*

 **King Zeus** : I mean... Hera... She apologized...

 **Queen Hera** : Fine. Now about Shirley.

 **King Zeus:** Yeah... About that... I don't get it... *confused*

 **Queen Hera:** There isn't anything to be confused about. Who's Shirley? It's a simple question.

 **King Zeus:** *more confused* Adverb of shire?

 **Percy Jackson** : Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! ROFL! XD! OMG I can't even! And that calls me dumb-witted!

_Queen Hera, Hades, Leo Flaming Valdez and 156 others like this comment_

**Queen Hera:** You're so...

 **King Zeus** : What? Smart? Handsome?

 **Queen Hera:** I was thinking more like... Stupid... Annoying... Narcissistic.... Crazy... But, in this context... Moronic.

 **Hades** : You want some ice to apply on that BURN, bro?

 **King Zeus** : I'm not moronic!!! And Hades stay out of it.

 **Queen Hera:** It's spelled surely....

 **King Zeus:** It is? Oh. I've been writing it wrongly since... well, since English. BTW you still haven't told me why I can't call you sweetheart...

 **Queen Hera:** I've got stuff to do...

_Queen Hera failed to log off to reminisce her life choices._

**Queen Hera:** Hermes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Hermes:** I didn't do anything! I swear on the river Styx!!!! Please don't hurt me!

 **King Zeus:** I asked Hephaestus to stop you. You will not harm him.

 **Queen Hera:** ....

 **Queen Hera:** I hate you...

 **King Zeus:** Answer the question and I'll let you go.

_Queen Hera failed to delete her profile._

**Hephaestus:** Really, mother?

 **Queen Hera** : .____________. Worth a try...

 **Leo Flaming Valdez** : It's a whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaale!

 **Hephaestus:** It's a whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaale!

 **Leo Flaming Valdez** : *high fives*

 **Hephaestus** : *high fives*

 **King Zeus:** *puppy dog eyes*

 **King Zeus:** Pretty please with a cherry on top?

 **Queen Hera:** You're not gonna let this slide, are you?

 **King Zeus:** No.

 **Queen Hera** : Can I bake brownies instead.

 **King Zeus:** I want to know.... I want brownies too... Do both!

 **Queen Hera:** Keyword was INSTEAD.

 **King Zeus:** I'll bake brownies myself then. Tell me....

 **Queen Hera** : Please don't. You'll burn down the kitchen.

 **King Zeus:** Tell me?

 **Queen Hera:**  NO! WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS SO INSENSITIVE!!

_Connection has been broken._

**King Zeus:** What just happened?

 **Hermes:** She threw her phone of mount Olympus...

 **King Zeus:** How would you know?

 **Hermes:** It landed on my head.

_King Zeus, Leo Flaming Valdez, Hephaestus and 212 others like this comment._

**Hermes:** Feelin' the love... .___________________________________.

 **Leo Flaming Valdez** : Whale whale whale whale!!!!!!!!!!!

_Hermes has logged off to avoid more people laughing at him._

_King Zeus has logged off to eat brownies._

**Annabeth Jackson** : Will everyone stop? Notifications are blowing up my phone!

 


	4. Coffee!

_Percy Jackson has updated his status:_

COOOOOOOOFFEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

_Comments:_

**Annabeth Chase** : Who gave Percy coffee?

 **Nico di Angelo** : NICO!! I’M GOING TO KILL YOU!

 **Annabeth Chase** : NICO!! I’M- wait. What?

 **Nico di Angelo:** I thought I’d save you the trouble of typing that.

_-Nico di Angelo has logged of to run from Annabeth Chase-_

_-Annabeth Chase has logged of to kill Nico di Angelo-_

 

_Will Solace has updated his status:_

Can I have some coffee? _~with Percy Jackson_

_Comments:_

**Percy Jackson:** NOOOO! MINE! MY COFFEE!

 **Will Solace:** .__________.

 **Leo Valdez** : It’s a whale!

 **Jason Grace:** Bro. Give me coffee.

 **Percy Jackson** : *hiss* My preciousss…

 **Jason Grace** : *backs away slowly*

 **Gollum:** Hey! That’s my line!

_Everyone logged of in fear_

_Chiron has updated his status:_

Annabeth, why did you put Nico in the infirmary?

_Comments:_

**Annabeth Chase:** He gave Percy coffee!

 **Chiron:** And this is a problem how?

_a minute passes_

**Chiron:** Never mind. He just ran past the Big House, screaming… About coffee having to ascend or something… .____.

 **Leo Valdez** : Oh. My. Gods. It’s the centaur whale!! The centaur whale has been spotted on facebook!!

 

(I posted this in tFA already, but I couldn’t not put it in this chapter)

_Percy Jackson has updated his status:_

Make coffee a god! _~with Zeus, Hera, Poseidon, Athena, Apollo, Artemis, Dionysus, Demeter, Ares, Aphrodite, Hephaestus, Hermes._

_Comments:_

**Hermes** : Oh yes! That’s an excellent idea!

 **Athena** : No. No, it’s not.

 **Artemis:** Definitely no! Only a male could come up with something that ridiculous.

_The Hunters of Artemis liked this comment._

**All the guys:** HEY!

 **Artemis:** .___________.

 **Thalia Grace:** Leo if you say ‘it’s a whale’ I swear…

 **Leo Valdez:** I don’t have to anymore, you already did.

 **Thalia Grace:** Did what?

 **Leo Valdez:** You know. I would’ve done a better job though. I’d have said: I just spotted the  incredibly rare godly

 **Leo Valdez** : W

 **Leo Valdez** : H

 **Leo Valdez:** A

 **Leo Valdez:** L

 **Leo Valdez:** E!

 **Thalia Grace:** >:(

 **Leo Valdez** : I didn’t say ‘it’s a whale!’!

 **Thalia Grace:** >:) You did now…

 **Leo Valdez** : Oh. Crap.

 **Thalia Grace:** *Dam. And I’m coming for you…

_Annabeth Chase, Will Solace, Clarisse LaRue and 103 others liked this comment._

_Leo Valdez has logged off to go hide in Bunker Nine._

**Thalia Grace:** Thank you, facebook, for telling me that.

 **Facebook:** You’re welcome.

 **Thalia Grace:** O____________O O.o

_Thalia Grace has logged off because she’s weirded out so now she’ll go after Leo Valdez because that’ll distract her for a moment._

_Facebook has changed his name to Apollo._

**Apollo:** LOLZ!

 **Artemis:** >:( Apollo!! Don’t mess with my Hunters!

 **Apollo:** Fine, fine. I’m sorry. BTW no to coffee as a god. Now that would be a disaster. Ah… I feel a haiku coming up!

 **Artemis** : NO! NO HAIKUS!

_Leto, Demeter, Ares and 1569 others like this comment._

**Apollo** : ;( All right then…

 **Hephaestus:** Coffee! Yes, great idea.

 **Aphrodite:** Hephaestus, don’t drink coffee! BTW no. Not ever.

 **Hephaestus:** Coffee coffee coffee! I see llamas! Llamas are cool!

 **Aphrodite:** Great. Too late. I just can’t believe i’m MARRIED to that guy!

 **Athena:** *I I just can’t believe you still forget to capitalise ‘I’ sometimes.

 **Ares:** *ignores Athena*  That’s what you have me for, babe. *flexes muscles* And no. Just no.

 **Aphrodite:** *ignores Athena too* Oh yeah. You want to meet up later?

 **Hephaestus:** Right here, you know…

 **Aphrodite:** … I’d say I’m sorry, but… Well, you know.

 **Hephaestus:** Whatever… I’m going to build a car. With built-in Ares-crusher.

 **Ares:** Tsssk… Jealous much?

 **Hephaestus:** Nope. Just bored + aggression problem + cheating wife = destroy lover. Simple maths.

 **Ares:** … I don’t get it.

 **Hephaestus:** I know.

 **Athena:** *high fives Hephaestus*

 **Hephaestus** : *high fives Athena*

_Hephaestus has logged off._

**Demeter** : Yes, coffee goes great with cereal.

 **Hades:** ._. Demeter...

 **Demeter:** If you’d eat more cereal, maybe you wouldn’t have to force my daughter to be with you.

 **Hades:** If I ate more cereal, she wouldn’t want to talk to me anymore. She has to take enough of that cr*p with you.

 **Demeter:** Well…. At least I don’t bore her to death.

 **Persephone** : LADIES, LADIES… You’re both pretty… Now stop arguing this is funny.

 **Poseidon** : Percy, you’re such…

 **Poseidon:** A FREAKING GENIUS!! Why didn’t we think of this before?

 **Athena:** Because it’s stupid.

 **Dionysus:** Well. I never thought I’d say this, but… Peter, that’s actually a good idea!

 **Percy Jackson:** It’s 5-5… Who hasn’t voted yet?

 **Hera** : I can’t believe we’re discussing this.

 **Poseidon:** I know, right? I mean, why do we even have to vote for this? Let’s just do it!

 **Hera:** I mean it’s such a STUPID idea of that Kelp Brain that I didn’t think anyone would react…

 **Poseidon:** What Kelp Brain?

 **Hera:** … Well, at least we know where he got it…

 **Persephone:** Father hasn’t voted yet…

 **Hera:** He’s asleep.

 **Percy Jackson:** Then wake him up.

 **Hera:** Ehm… How do I say this… NO!

 **Poseidon:** Come on!

 **Hera** : No.

 **Poseidon:** Why not?

 **Hera:** -.- Really?

 **Poseidon:** It’s not like he won’t be angry when he sees we’ve voted over something without him. You know he’ll blame you anyway.

 **Hera:** Fine.

_Five minutes pass._

_Zeus has logged on moodily._

_Another minute passes._

**Zeus** : No! I don’t care what the vote says! JUST NO! I veto this! UNDERSTOOD!

 **Hera:** Zeus...

 **Zeus:** NO DISCUSSION, HERA! You are my wife and you will obey me.

 **Hera:** … I just wanted to tell you that you’re embarrassing yourself… The vote decided no…

 **Zeus:** …. Oh…

 **Hera:** -.-’ Sometimes I just get so tired of this.

 **Zeus:** I’m sorry I hit you. And that I virtually yelled at you.

 **Hera:** Whatever, Zeus.

_Hera has logged off._

**Zeus:** I’m blaming you, Poseidon.

_Zeus has logged off._

**Annabeth Chase:** I almost feel sorry for her. Almost.

 

 

_Annabeth Chase has updated her status:_

We need to take away Percy’s coffee!

_Chiron, Leo Valdez, Jason Grace and 136 others like this._

_Percy Jackson dislikes this._

_Comments:_

**Jason Grace** : Perce, just give it to us, then nobody gets hurt.

 **Percy Jackson** : NEVAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!

 **Jason Grace:** >______________<

 **Thalia Grace** : Leo, consider yourself warned.

 **Leo Valdez:** This is torture! IT’S RIGHT THERE! A CHINESE ONE, NO LESS!

 **Chiron:** Everyone go to cabin three and take away the coffee.

 

_Leo Valdez has updated his status:_

I’m soaking wet. Seriously, even combusting into flames doesn’t help…

_Comments:_

**Everyone:** We’re all soaking…

 **Annabeth Chase** : Anyone got the coffee?

 **Percy Jackson:** It’s mine. M-I-N-E!!!!!!!

 **Annabeth Chase:** I guess that answers the question… Time for plan B.

 **Chiron:** There’s a plan B?

 **Athena:** Of course there’s a plan B.

 

_Annabeth Chase has updated her status:_

Percy, if you don’t give your coffee to Chiron, we’re over.

_Aphrodite dislikes this._

_Comments:_

**Percy Jackson** : Nevaaah!

 **Chiron:** Well… I guess plan B didn’t work…

 **Annabeth Chase** : Give him a minute.

 **Percy Jackson** : Wait what?

 **Percy Jackson** : O____O

 **Leo Valdez** : …

 **Thalia Grace** : Say it!!

 **Leo Valdez** : It.

 **Thalia Grace:** No not that!

 **Leo Valdez** : It’s a -

 **Thalia Grace** : It’s a what Leo??? Say it!! Yes!!!

 **Leo Valdez:** Nope. Not giving you an excuse to come after me.

 **Thalia Grace** : :(

 **Artemis:** Phoebe found a boy in the Hunters’ camp. You can beat him up if you want.

 **Thalia Grace** : >:) Coming, milady.

_Thalia Grace has logged of to beat intruder up_

**Leo Valdez** : Evil, that one. PURE EVIL!

 **Zeus:** Excuse you? Did you call my daughter evil?

 **Artemis:** Excuse you? Did you call my lieutenant evil?

 **Leo Valdez** : *processing* *processing* Ehm… Kidding… Innocent joke…

 **Zeus:** I would

 **Artemis:** hope so.

 **Chiron** : Well this escalated quickly.

 

_Percy Jackson has updated his status:_

I gave the coffee to Chiron. Please don’t leave me! _~With Annabeth Chase_

_Comments:_

**Annabeth Chase** : Of course not Seaweed Brain. ly! <3

 **Percy Jackson** : <3 you to, Wise Girl.

_Aphrodite likes this._

**Athena:** *too. AND STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER!

 **Leo Valdez** : Athena is such a loving mother-in-law, isn’t she Perce.

 **Aphrodite** : Leave it to her to ruin a perfect ship-moment…

 **Everyone:** WHY WASN’T THIS PLAN A?!

 


	5. Gender Bender

_Nica di Angelo has updated her status:_

WHAT THE ACTUAL HADES HAPPENED?!

_Bryanna the table, Jasmin Grace and 578 others like this status._

_Comments:_

**Wilhelmina Solace:** … I don’t know… But I don’t like this one bit…

**Tyra:** I’m a boy?

 **Persia Jackson** : So am I, bro!! WTH?!

 **Rafael Elizabeth Dare** : I’m the oracle of Delphi- I can’t be a guy!

 **Apolline:** Totally- Wait. Why is my name Apolline?

 **Apolline:** WAAAAH! I’M A GIRL! AAAAAAAAARGH I’M GOING TO DIE!!!!!!!

 **Aramis:** Apollo, please! You’re ducking immortal, you’re not going to die. AND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH I’M A GUY!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I can’t deal with this!!! I’M A MAIDEN GODDESS WTH!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT AM I DOING IN THE BODY OF A GUY? HELP!

 **Accalia** : First I lose both my horns, then I turn into a girl… Such bad luck, such bad luck…

 **Pippin McLean** : I’m sorry again, Achelous...

 **Pippin McLean** : Pippin?! Píppin?! That’s like the stupidest name of all time!!!!

 **Jasmin Grace:** You sure about that, Pipes? WHO ON EARTH IS CALLED JASMIN?!?!

 **Princess Jasmin** : AHEM!

 **Jasmin Grace** : *nervous laughter* Hehehe… Sorry…

 **Princess Jasmin** : *flies off into the sunset with Aladdin on a flying carpet singing ‘a whole new world’*

 **Johnbertus Chase** : *groans* Johnbertus, really?

 **Persia Jackson** : If it’s any comfort, I don’t care what you’re called. I love you all the same.

 **Johnbertus Chase:** Aw, Percy! I love you too!

 **Milton:** STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER, KELP BRAIN!

 **Johnbertus Chase** : Eh, mom? I mean, dad?? I mean, Roman counterpart of my mom- dad- whatever- Lady Minerva? Lord Milton? Ugh… Anyway, when are you going to accept that I love Percy? I’m just saying, we went to Tartarus and back together, I don’t think we’re breaking up…

 **Fanboy #1231554234** : Percabeth forever! *squeals* Wait. Eh, I’m a girl??

 **Milton:** Lady Minerva or mom will do. And NEVER! NEVER WILL I ACCEPT YOU SETTLING FOR THE SON OF BARNACLE BEARD! I mean, daughter? GAAAAAAAH, this is too confusing even for me!

 **Hadley** : Stop cursing in my name!

 **Hadley:** What the Hades?! Why am I suddenly a girl?

 **Hadley:** This doesn’t mean you can curse in my name! It’s different because I’m me!

 **Percival:** WAAAAAAA! Hades, what did you do?!

 **Hadley:** NOTHING I SWEAR! I don’t know what happened!

 **Chester:** If you two had eaten more cereal, you wouldn’t- AAAARGH!

 **Hadley:** What happened? Is the great Ceres at a loss of words?

 **Chester:** Get that smug look off of your face!

 **Hadley** : *proudly pertains smug look*

_Chester has logged off to think of a revenge plan on Hadley because he’s sure it’s her fault._

**Teresa:** Aaargh! I’m a girl! What am I going to do?! I can’t be a farmer’s wife? I’M THE FARMER! I can’t teach farming classes as a woman?!

 **All the female farmers in the world:** *raise eyebrows*

_Teresa has logged off in embarrassment._

**Clarisse La Rue:** What’s going on? Why did everyone change genders? Why didn’t I change genders? Yay, I didn’t change genders!

 **Persia Jackson** : Haha, whoever did this must have thought you were a guy!! XD

 **Clarisse La Rue:** Hey, Prissy! Jealous much? At least I’m still my own amazing persona!

_Clarisse La Rue has changed her name to Claus Le Boulevard._

_Claus Le Boulevard has changed her gender to male._

**Claus Le Boulevard:** Ah, crap!

 **Grace Underwood:** Ha ha! Hahahaha! HAhahaha- AAAAAAAH! I’m a woman! Aaaaaah! It’s so weird! AAAAAAAAAh there are no female satyrs how is this possible?!

 **Bryanna the table** : I’m a table! We don’t even have genders?

 **Persia Jackson:** How does a table have facebook?

 **Bryanna the table:** I’m special that way :3

 **Tom Grace:** I’m male! Aaaaargh! I’m male! Aaaaargh! This is so confusing! And aaaaaaaaaaargh! MALE! AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

_The Hunters like this._

**Leah Valdez:** Yahoo! This is awesome!!!! THIS. GIRL. IS ON FIREEEEEEEEEEE!

 **Hazen Levesque:** ._. Leo… You weirdo…

 **Leah Valdez:** The Hazel whale just swam past on facebook! 12 o’clock!

 **Leah Valdez:** *flips hair back* At least I’m awesome about it! Frankieboy, back me up here- this isn’t strange at all.

 **Frances Zhang:** Well, I’m kind of used to it, you know? I mean, if I turn into a cow- then I have a female body too…

 **Hazen Levesque:** Uh. That is so weird, Frank… I don’t know, I never thought about that. I just thought you were a male cow.

 **Frances Zhang:** That’s a bull, you know ;).

 **Hazen Levesque:** Yeah, I guess.

 **Dionysia:** It’s not so strange to me either… People used to treat me like a girl.

_Nobody dared like this, but Persia Jackson, Hazen Levesque and 50693 others wanted to._

**Poseidonia** : Somehow I figured if I were female, I’d be a mermaid… I guess not :(.

_Tyra and Persia Jackson like this._

**Jupiter:** .__. Poseidon. Really.

 **Leah Valdez:** THE INCREDIBLY RARE KING-OF-THE-GODS-WHALE HAS BEEN SPOTTED ON FACEBOOK! I REPEAT: THE INCREDIBLY RARE KING-OF-THE-GODS-WHALE HAS BEEN SPOTTED ON FACEBOOK!

 **Juno:** I didn’t use one of your ridiculous whale-emoticons! How dare you!

 **Jupiter:** … Eh. Jupiter, you wanna switch accounts?

 **Juno:** … Sure, Juno. That’d be good.

 **Leah Valdez:** O______________o

 **Rey Ramírez-Arellano:** It’s the crazy Leo-whale!

 **Rey Ramírez-Arellano** : Excuse me, I meant the Leo-whale. They’re always crazy. My apologies.

 **Leah Valdez:** *le supreme death glare*

 **Vernon:** Please, let’s spread love instead of these ridiculous glares…

 **Aria:** Let’s stick with death glares… What is Vernon for a name anyway?!

 **Vernon:** *le more supreme death glare* WE’RE OVER! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!

 **Aria:** Oh, come on, babe. Don’t be like that!

_Vernon has logged off because he’s pissed._

_Aria has logged off to make it up to Vernon._

**Hephzibah** : -.-’ I’m gonna go finish that car…

_Hephzibah has logged off to finish her car with built-in-Aria-crusher._

**Hermione:** Ugh. I WAS HAPPY AS A GUY, AIGHT?! Who did this and change us back this instant!!!!

 **Hecate:** It was me. I’ll just change you back now.

 **Glenda Hedge:** DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Hecate:** … What?

 **Glenda Hedge:** I’LL KILL YOU, AND IF IT TURNS OUT YOU MEANT NO HARM, I’LL APOLOGIZE!

_Hecate turned everyone back to normal._

**Jupiter:** So what was the point of this?

 **Hecate:** … I don’t know…

 **Jupiter:** ._.

 **Leah Valdez:** THE INCREDIBLY RARE KING-OF-THE-GODS-WHALE HAS BEEN SPOTTED ON FACEBOOK! I REPEAT: THE INCREDIBLY RARE KING-OF-THE-GODS-WHALE HAS BEEN SPOTTED ON FACEBOOK!

 **Juno** : I didn’t use one of your ridiculous whale-emoticons! How dare you!

 **Jupiter:** … We should switch again...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tyra = Tyson  
> Johnbertus Chase = Annabeth Chase  
> Clarisse La Rue = Claus Le Boulevard  
> Tom Grace = Thalia Grace  
> Juno = Jupiter  
> Jupiter = Juno  
> Accalia = Achelous  
> Vernon = Venus  
> Aria = Ares  
> Milton = Minerva  
> Chester = Ceres  
> Hadley = Hades  
> Hephzibah = Hephaestus  
> Hermione = Hermes  
> Percival = Persephone  
> Trinity = Triptolemus  
> Rest is clear, I think :)
> 
> So, I’m leaving to a place with no internet for almost a month… Consider yourself warned.  
> Also, I forgot to do a disclaimer- me no own PJO-HoO… That’s the King of Trolling, uncle Rick.  
> Sometimes people refer to the location of something in the water seen from the boat as … o’clock. Mostly when whale-watching :). 12 o’clock is straight ahead, 3 o’clock is to the right etc.  
> Note: I identify as female, and I was born in a female body.  
> I can only imagine how confusing it would be if that wasn’t the case. I think I would feel horrible.  
> I don’t mean to laugh at anyone who wasn’t that lucky, or for whom things aren’t so black-and-white!


	6. Pranks (part 1)

_Travis Stoll has updated his status:_

Mu-ha-ha-ha! >:) _~with Connor Stoll_

_Travis and Connor Stoll like this status._

_Comments:_

**Connor Stoll:** Really, bro? Liking your own status?

 **Travis Stoll:** I’m just that awesome.

 **Connor Stoll** : …

 **Connor Stoll** : True, true.

 **Connor Stoll:** It’s a family trait. *le pro face*

_Martha Stoll and Hermes like this comment._

**Hermes:** THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT ME

 **Martha Stoll** : Sure. If you wish to believe that.

 **Travis Stoll:** *ignore button* All is executed here.

 **Connor Stoll:** And here.

 **Travis and Connor Stoll:** Excellent *tap fingers against each other*

 

_Annabeth Chase has updated her status:_

SPIDERS! SPIDERS EVERYWHERE! PERCY COME KILL THEM NOW! _~with Percy Jackson_

_~feeling: terrified_

_The Athena Cabin likes this status._

_Comments:_

**Percy Jackson:** I can’t!

_The Athena Cabin dislikes this comment._

**Percy Jackson:** There’s sea creatures in my cabin that I need to rescue first! Aaaah! Bad Shark! No eating my arm!

_Athena likes this comment._

**Annabeth Chase:** I DON’T CARE! COME NOW!

_The Athena Cabin likes this comment._

**Percy Jackson** : But Annie!

 **Annabeth Chase:** >:(

 **Percy Jackson:** Just get out of the cabin and I’ll be there as soon as demigodly possible.

_Annabeth Chase and siblings have left the cabin._

**Annabeth Chase** : -.-’ Seaweed Brain, that’s not a word.

 **Percy Jackson:** I made it up, alright? *flips hair back*

 **Annabeth Chase:** Just come kill the spiders already.

_The Athena Cabin likes this comment._

**Percy Jackson:** One knight in shining armor for the damsel in distress, coming up!

 **Annabeth Chase:** Percy, if you stop to make your armor shine before you come, you’ll be the damsel in distress.

 **Percy Jackson:** Aw… Pwease, Annie?

 **Annabeth Chase:** PERCY!

 

_Jason Grace has updated his status:_

Aaah! Somebody- Aaah! Placed - Aaah! Booby- Aah! Trapped! Aaagh! Tasers- Aaaaaaaaah! In m- Aaah! Aaah! AAAAAH! -y cabin! AAAAARGH!

_~feeling: charred_

_Mr. D., Camp Halfblood and 763 others like this status._

_Comments:_

**Jason Grace:** _~feeling: hurt_

 **Percy Jackson:** Ha! Finally you know what it feels like!

 **Poseidon:** Watch your back, bro. I’m coming for ya!  >:)

 **Zeus** : .______. Eh. Yeah. Sure. Go ahead.

My true form is sheer energy, remember? Those things don’t have enough voltage to affect me.

 **Leo Valdez:** *jumps up and down excitedly* WHALE AT TWELVE O’CLOCK!

 **Piper McLean:** Aw, Sparky. You okay?

 **Jason Grace:** Yeah, I guess. Wanna catch a movie later?

 **Piper McLean:** Sure.

 

_Nico di Angelo has updated his status:_

… Why are there ‘Playboys’ in my cabin?

…  Where are my mythomagic cards?

… Aaaargh! There’s a girl in here! AAAAAAAAAAH! RUN! AAAAH!

_~feeling: confused_

_Comments:_

**Hades** : …

_Hades has logged off to poke out his inner eye._

**Will Solace:** …

 **Nico di Angelo:** H-hey W-Will #.______.#

 **Aphrodite** : Eeeep!

 **Leo Valdez:** It’s a blushing whale!!!

_Nico di Angelo has deleted this status._

_Piper McLean has updated her status:_

OMG! I totally dig the new Cabin look!

_The Aphrodite Cabin dislikes this status._

_Comments:_

**Drew Tanaka:** Ew! Your laik, totes no chaild off afrodaity!

 **Annabeth Chase:** *You’re *like *totally *child *of *Aphrodite

 **Drew Tanaka:** Mah auto corekt is brooken, jes! Leev me aloon, nurt!

 **Annabeth Chase:** *My *autocorrect *broken *Jeez *leave *alone *awesome person with a brain unlike myself

 **Leo Valdez** : Would you like some ice for that BURN, Drew?

 **Drew Tanaka:** Your laike, waaaaai to stoopit an unasom.

_Drew Tanaka has logged off before Annabeth Chase could correct her._

**Annabeth Chase:** *twitch*

 **Athena:** *twitch*

 **Malcolm:** *twitch*

 **The Athena Cabin** : *twitch*

_Athena has forced Drew Tanaka to log back on._

**Annabeth Chase:** *You’re *like *way *too *stupid *and *unawesome, Drew.

 **Leo Valdez:** Aloë Vera?

_Drew Tanaka has logged off indug- dignon- nan- Oh, ***** this ****._

**Hazel Levesque:** What’s going on with your cabin, Piper?

 **Piper McLean:** It’s really cool! Camouflage-prints instead of pink and there’s isn’t a million times the same poster anymore!

 

_Butch has updated his status:_

WHY IS OUR CABIN PAINTED RAINBOW?!

_Comments:_

**Nyssa:** Wasn’t it always?

 **Butch:** Oh. Yeah. Well, that doesn’t mean I have to like it.

 **Nyssa:** I guess.

 

_Leo Valdez has updated his status:_

THE HEPHAESTUS CABIN IS FLOODED! ALARM! MAYDAY, MAYDAY! EQUIPMENT RUSTING AS WE SPEAK!

_Comments:_

**Jake Mason:** MAKE FIRE AND EVAPORATE THE WATER YOU IDIOT!

 **Leo Valdez:** You know you love me!

 **Jake Mason:** No I don’t.

 **Leo Valdez:** No need to be so rude about it!

 **Calypso:** Suck it up, Leo.

 **Leo Valdez:** C’mon Sunshine. Everyone knows you’re #TeamLeo

 **Fangirl #306:** #TeamLeo! If she won’t have you, I will!

 **Fangirl #1890** : No, I will!

 **Fangirl #815:** I!! Pick me, Leo! I don’t care you’re scrawny!

 **Leo Valdez:** I’m not scrawny!

 **Fangirl #815:** *raises eyebrow*

 **Leo Valdez:** Fine.

 **Leo Valdez:** But scrawny is the new sexy!

 **Fangirl #815:** Totally! That’s what I’m saying!

 **Calypso** : *hiss* Mine! *pulls Leo back* *holds tight*

 **Aphrodite** : Eeeeeep!

 **Frank Zhang:** Today appears to be a good day for ships.

 **Jason Grace:** EVERYBODY HIDE!

 

_Artemis has updated her status:_

ALARM! ALARM! MALE INTRUSION IN CABIN SEVEN! HUNTERS, CHARGE!

TAKE NO PRISONERS!

_The hunters like this._

_Comments:_

**The Boys in Cabin 7:** O.O Run for your lives, brothers, run!

 

_Clarisse La Rue has updated her status:_

WHAT PUNK STOLE MAIMER!

_Comments:_

**The Ares Cabin:** AND OUR WEAPONS!

 **Clarisse La Rue:** Yeah, yeah. Whatever.

 **Percy Jackson:** Haven’t seen Lamer, soz.

 **Annabeth Chase:** *Sorry. Me either.

 **Jason Grace** : Cabin One. As for the other weapons, I don’t know.

 **Clarisse La Rue:** Aight, punk. I’m getting it, and then it’s you and me.

 **Jason Grace** : Eh, I have a gf, soz.

 **Annabeth Chase** : *glares*

 **Jason Grace:** *Girlfriend *sorry

 **Piper McLean** : You’re sorry you have a girlfriend? ~feeling: hurt

 **Jason Grace:** No! I just don’t like to reject people! Don’t be hurt, I’m sorry!

 **Clarisse La Rue:** I’M CHALLENGING YOU TO A FIGHT YOU GREAT BUFFOON!

 **The Ares Cabin** : What of our weapons?!

 **Jason Grace:** I DON’T KNOW LAMER’S PART OF THE BOOBYTRAPS OKAY STOP PRESSURING ME! *starts crying*

 **Piper McLean** : ._.

 **Leo Valdez:** It’s a beauty-queen-whale!

 **Frank Zhang:** No laughing at my bro on his man-period, okay?

 **Hazel Levesque:** What’s man-period?

 **Frank Zhang:** … Period for men…

 **Hazel Levesque:** *raises eyebrow*

 **Annabeth Chase:** It’s the hormonal peak for men, but they tend to use it as an excuse to get all emotional. Because they’re too macho to just be emotional. *rolls eyes*

_The female population likes this comment._

**Clarisse La Rue:** YOU’RE DEAD, GRACE! I GOT ELECTROCUTED ABOUT TEN TIMES!

 

 


	7. Pranks (part 2)

_The Demeter Cabin has updated their status:_

Alright. We’re peaceful and all that shizzle.

But now we’re pissed.

EVERYBODY GET OUT OF THE WAY AND SHOW US WHERE THE NO-GOOD NINCOMPOOPS WHO KILLED OUR PLANTS ARE AT!

SHOW YOURSELVES AND FACE YOUR CERTAIN DEATH!

_Comments:_

**Percy Jackson:** Er. Grainzilla much?

 **Annabeth Chase:** -.-’ Seaweed Brain

 **Piper McLean:** What happened?

 **Malcolm:** Their plants are dead.

 **Malcolm:** And their roof rotted so they’re kinda homeless at the moment.

 **Piper McLean:** … Right. That’s so obvious, I should have known.

 

_Will Solace has updated his status:_

WHO SHOT ME!

_Comments:_

**Austin:** … I thought you were a target.

 **Will Solace:** WHAT? I’LL SHOW YOU A TARGET!

 **Kayla:** Aw! There’s bull’s eyes on our backs!

 **Tyson:** Bulls? Where?

 **Percy Jackson:** Nowhere, buddy.

 **Tyson:** Aw :(

 

_Dionysus updated his status_

WHAT ABSOLUTE MORON GAVE MY KIDS KOOL-AID? Okay, all you brats are stupid, but who of you lot is more stupid?

_Comments:_

**Pollux:** Hehehe! I’m going to go bring Castor back!

 **Castor:** Er… I’m dead.

 **Pollux:** NOT FOR LONG YOU AREN’T

 **Hades:** The dead can’t have contact with the living, everyone complains. I give the dead Wi-Fi, everyone STILL complains. Like you give people a finger, and they take your arm! It makes me want to just kill everyone and get it over with already.

 **Pollux** : I’M COMING, CASTOR!

 **Percy Jackson:** *takes all possibly lethal things away* *locks Pollux in safe room until Kool-Aid-effects wear off* No, you aren’t.

 **Annabeth Chase:** Lord Hades, we do appreciate you giving the dead internet-access. We’re simply frustrated because the dead don’t seem too keen on using it. Please, don’t set off a doomsday device.

 

_Clovis updated his status:_

Why do alarm clocks keep going off? I want to sleep!

_Comments:_

**Chiron:** Well, activities have started, you could participate for once?

 **Chiron:** Clovis?

 **Chiron** : Hello?

_Trrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!_

**Clovis:** *hits alarm clock* *continues snoring*

 

_Lou Ellen updated her status:_

Mmmmm! mmmmmm! uhhmmm!

_Comments:_

**Jason Grace:** Er, what?

 **Lou Ellen:** mmmm! mmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

 **Hazel Levesque:** Can you speak?

 **Lou Ellen:** *shakes head*

 **Hazel Levesque:** Are you gagged?

 **Lou Ellen:** *shakes head*  
 **Hazel Levesque** : Hexed?

 **Lou Ellen** : *nods furiously*

 **Hazel Levesque** : _~with Chiron_

 **Chiron:** Alright, I’ll go fix it...

 

_Connor Stoll has updated his status:_

Eh, help? The Hermes cabin collapsed!

_The Hermes Cabin likes this status._

**Chiron:** Why did your cabin collapse?

 **Annabeth Chase:** There’s a note saying ‘Mu-ha-ha-ha! Revenge!’

 **Chiron:** Who would want revenge?

 **Queen Hera:** It was me. They’ll live, so don’t complain.

 **Annabeth Chase:** -.-’ surprise, surprise…

 

_Percy Jackson has updated his status:_

I think someone’s been pranking us…

But who?

_Comments:_

**The Athena Cabin:** It wasn’t us!

 **Jason Grace:** Nor me!

 **Percy Jackson:** Nor me, obviously…

 **The Hecate Cabin:** MMMMMMMMM!

 **Nico di Angelo** : DO I LOOK LIKE I WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT?! HMM?!

 **Annabeth Chase** : Well, you kind of do…

 **Nico di Angelo:** Er I guess. No, I didn’t do it.

 **The Aphrodite Cabin:** We shall kill whoever did this with beauty-products!

 **Piper McLean:** I quite like it…

 **The Aphrodite Cabin:** *glares*

 **Piper McLean:** Alright, alright. Shutting up.

 **The Iris Cabin:** Well, nothing happened to us, but we didn’t do it.

 **The Hephaestus Cabin** : We wouldn’t ever ruin our stuff.

 **The Ares Cabin:** Our weapons are still gone!

 **Clarisse La Rue:** COME OUT HERE AND FIGHT, YOU COWARD! ~with Jason Grace

 **Jason Grace:** I’m cool in here. Really.

 **Pollux:** Castoooooooooor! Nooo! I’m bringing you back brother, don’t worry!

 **Castor:** -.-’

 **Hades:** ._____________________________________.

 **Leo Valdez:** *whispers* It’s the death-lord-whale!

 **Annabeth Chase:** You can’t whisper on facebook, Leo ._.

 **Leo Valdez:** *whispers* Of course I can. I just did. Annabeth, look, it’s a whale!

 **The Apollo Cabin** : We didn’t do it, but we’ve got some bull’s eyes for whomever did!

 **The Demeter Cabin:** What? Do you think we would intentionally kill our plants to avoid suspicion?

 **Frank Zhang:** Guys, guys! I know who did it!

 **Everyone:** Who?

 **Frank Zhang:** The Hermes Cabin! Think about it!

 **The Hermes Cabin:** Hey! We didn’t do jack-squid!

 **Frank Zhang:** … Sorry…

 **Jason Grace:** Guys it was the Stolls look at earlier today!

_Travis Stoll has deleted the status containing damaging evidence (too late)._

_Camp Halfblood has updated their status:_

STOLLS! _~with Travis and Connor Stoll_

_~feeling: murderous_

_Comments:_

**Travis Stoll:** Uh-oh.

 **Connor Stoll:** Gotta run!

_ Travis and Connor Stoll have logged off. _


	8. puns

_Leo Valdez has updated his status_

I’m hot!

_Comments:_

**Annabeth Chase:** It would be wise not to repeat that to anyone, Leo.

 **Percy Jackson** : I’m not shore you are... Water you doing, Leo?

 **Piper McLean:** Not very charming, Leo.

 **Frank Zhang** : Let me be frank with you, Leo. No. Just no.

 **Percy Jackson:** I sea what you did there!

 **Jason Grace:** You’re not, Leo. Shocker.

 **Percy Jackson:** There’s something fishy going on here.

 **Leo Valdez:** Things are definitely heating up! Persea Jackson, put the fire out!

 **Percy Jackson:** Whale then, I dolphinately will!

 **Nico di Angelo** : I’m going through hell here… I’m leaving!

 **Will Solace:** Oh no, you aren’t! *pulls close*

 **Nico di Angelo:** I’m being held against my will!

 **Will Solace:** I apollogize.

 **Hazel Levesque:** These puns are pure gold!

 **Nico di Angelo:** You’re all going to be the death of me.

 **Gleeson Hedge:** DIE!

 **Everyone:** … So far the puns…

 

_Thalia Grace has updated her status:_

Just out of curiosity, and not because I want to ask someone out (Gods, it’s awful I actually have to put that instead of people just knowing):What pick-up line would you use if you were single?

_Comments:_

**Nico di Angelo:** You’re drop-dead gorgeous, handsome.

 **Jason Grace:** Sparks fly when I’m around you.

 **Frank Zhang:** Honey, you turn me into an animal. C’mon Haze, what would you say?

 **Hazel Levesque** : You shine brighter than a diamond.

 **Leo Valdez:** Is it hot in here, or is it just you?

OH WAIT! Girl, you set me on fire.

 **Clovis:** Wow, babe. You’re the only thing in this world that doesn’t put me to sleep.

 **Clarisse La Rue** : Kiss me now, and I’ll consider not killing you.

 **Will Solace** : Hey there ;). You shine brighter than the sun, do you know that?

 **Piper McLean:** Do I have to charmspeak you into kissing me?

 **Dakota:** Girl, your beauty is so intoxicating I can’t think of a decent pick-up line.

 **Travis and Connor Stoll:** Can I have your heart? You appear to have taken mine.

 **Butch Walker:** My dear, could you come closer? I can’t quite tell what the color of your eyes is, but I’m sure they’re the most stunning ever.

 **Annabeth Chase:** Recent studies show we should date.

 **Percy Jackson:** Hi, I’m Percy Jackson.

 **Everyone:** PERCY!

**Percy Jackson:** *le pro face*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's kind of short, I know... But it was about time I updated


	9. Camp Jupiter

_Reyna Avila Ramírez-Arellano has updated her status:_

FRANK ZHANG WHERE ARE YOU! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE AT THE SENATE MEETING 10 MINUTES AGO! _~with Frank Zhang_

_Comments:_

**Frank Zhang** : iipdcurrehtly bstucknin dog fotm, nsiorry

 **Reyna Avila Ramírez-Arellano:** Erm what?

 **Hazel Levesque** : He says: “I’m currently stuck in dog form, sorry.”

 **Reyna Avila Ramírez-Arellano:** How did you know that?

 **Hazel Levesque** : … I kind of got him stuck in dog form…

 **Frank Zhang:** chahnge bmeb bvadfk haze!

 **Hazel Levesque:** I’m trying!!

 **Vitellius:** Back in my day, a praetor wouldn’t dare to be late to a meeting! Oh, what the legion has come to… Depending on a legacy of Neptune, of all the gods!

 **Neptune:** Thanks a bunch. ._______________.

 **Leo Valdez:** Today on the whale watchers: the godly whale of the Sea! This specimen, like its live counterparts, has the ocean as a natural habitat. Stay tuned for more sightings!

 **Jason Grace** : Honestly, that’s one thing I don’t miss about being praetor…

 **Percy Jackson** : Agreed, man. I only went to one, and it nearly killed me with boredom. Even though I suspect it’s a lot better with that snake Octavian.

 **Apollo:** I thought about being insulted for my legacy… But I decided against it.

 **Gwen:** It’s more annoying if you’re not even in the legion anymore… I miss out on all of the fun, but still have to wear bed sheets -.-’ Sometimes I think we should embrace modern times a little more.

 **Terminus** : Bah! Modern times! It starts with no togas, but what’s next? No more boundaries! No more disciplin! Everything we built the Roman Empire on gone!!

 **Percy Jackson:** No offense, but didn’t the Roman Empire fall?

 **The Romans:** Not before we annihilated you Greeks!

 **Annabeth Chase:** Read: copied most of our culture.

 **Nico di Angelo:** I thought the Athena Parthenos fixed the Greek-Roman rivalry?

 

_Frank Zhang has updated his status:_

Guys! I want to change the Roman laws!

_Comments:_

**Reyna Avila Ramírez-Arellano:** Frank, we don’t really do that… Change laws. The laws have been there for millennia.

 **Frank Zhang** : Yeah, so they’re outdated and a lot of them are useless. Like the Lex Fannia.

 **Reyna Avila Ramírez-Arellano** : … Remind me what that one says again?

 **Frank Zhang:** It limits the amount of money you’re allowed to spend on a dinner party.

 **Reyna Avila Ramírez-Arellano:** Okay, so there’s a few stupid laws. So what? You can’t die in the English House of Parliament, that’s even more stupid.

 **Frank Zhang:** … If a father sells his son three times, the son shall be free from his father.

 **Frank Zhang:** A child born after ten months since the father's death will not be admitted into a legal inheritance.

 **Frank Zhang** :  Usucapio of movable things requires one year's possession for its completion; but usucapio of an estate and buildings two years. Any woman who does not wish to be subjected in this manner to the hand of her husband should be absent three nights in succession every year, and so interrupt the usucapio of each year.

 **Frank Zhang** : Hurting an eagle, even by accident, is a capital offense.

 **Frank Zhang** : Marriages should not take place between plebeians and patricians.

 **Reyna Avila Ramírez-Arellano** : Okay… I see your point.

 **Frank Zhang** : SO LET’S REVISE THE LAWS

 

_Reyna Avila Ramírez-Arellano has updated her status:_

Everyone meet our new augur; Ella!!

_Comments:_

**Ella:** Reyna friend. Friends good. Ella augur for Reyna. Ella helps the legion.

 **Tyson:** *waves* Hi Ella!

 **Ella** : *blushes* Tyson helps Ella. Tyson nice.

 **Dakota:** Isn’t she, you know, a harpy?

 **Ella:** Ella good harpy. Ella helps the legion.

 **Frank Zhang:** Dakota, you go write down the prophecy’s she knows from the Sibylline Scrolls.

 **Dakota** : What? Oh, come on! Why do I have to do it!

 **Frank Zhang:** Because I say so, duh.

 **Dakota:** That’s not fair!

 **Frank Zhang** : Of course it is! I’m praetor! *like a pro* 

 **Dakota:** It doesn't work that way! You need a reason!

 **Frank Zhang:** Fine. You destroyed something or other while drunk on Kool-Aid.

 **Dakota:** Ugh. Fine.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, I didn't make up any of the laws.  
> Ils sont fous ces Romains! ;)  
> So I'm pretty sure I looked ridiculous typing Frank's lines with my nose.  
> I wrote this because I hadn't really included Camp Jupiter... And now I know; it's really hard to write something in Camp Jupiter because there aren't really much characters. Anyway, sorry, it's short and not exactly my best work...  
> But I put in a little TysonxElla moment to try and make it up to you.  
> Longer chapter next week :)


	10. School

_Percy Jackson has updated his status:_

I’m blue….

_Comments:_

**Annabeth Chase** : is this some kind of joke… Like a bad pun or something?

 **Percy Jackson:** A pun? How is that a pun?

 **Piper McLean** : Well… Blue… Percy. Percy… Blue Food? No?

 **Percy Jackson** : I’m blue because school starts next week. No more vacation.

 **Jason Grace:** No more sleeping in

 **Frank Zhang** : No more seeing Hazel everyday

 **Connor Stoll** : No more pranking

 **Hazel Levesque:** No more messing with mist

 **Percy Jackson:** That sounds like a Gilderoy Lockhart-book

 **Annabeth Chase** : …

 **Poseidon** : …

 **Nico di Angelo** : …

 **Jason Grace:** …

 **Everyone from Olympus and both Camps** : …

 **Leo Valdez** : LOL, Perce. Your reputation as an idiot proceeds you!

 **Percy Jackson:** … Thanks a lot, guys. Really. I appreciate it.

 **Dakota:** No more Kool-Aid at lunch…

 **Reyna Reyna Avila Ramírez-Arellano** : Dakota, you can’t drink Kool-Aid now either.

 **Dakota** : … No?  - I mean, of course, of course!

 **Leo Valdez:** No more setting fire to the rain

 **Nico di Angelo:** No more raising the dead when someone pisses me off

 **Frank Zhang:** No more turning into iguanas

 **Octavian:** No more killing stuffed animals…

 **Will Solace** : No offense or anything, but you’re dead.

 **Nico di Angelo:** Offense and everything, stay away, we hate you.

_Octavian has logged off insultedly._

**Grover Underwood** : No more evil immortals destroying the world…

 **Juniper** : Grover, that’s a good thing. We don’t miss that.

 **Grover Underwood** : Oh, right. No more quests, then?

 **Travis Stoll:** No more hacking government officials

 **Clarisse La Rue:**  No more maiming

 **Percy Jackson:** No more causing floods

 **Jason Grace:** No more zapping people who annoy me

 **Annabeth Chase:** No more books in Ancient Greek :(

 **Everyone:** … Sure, that too.

 **Percy Jackson:** Notice how this started off totally normal, then turned into… that?

 

**Annabeth Chase has updated her status**

Let’s list the good things of school starting!

_No one likes this._

_Be the first to comment._

 

_Jason Grace has updated his status:_

Let’s share tips to make it through!

My personal favorite: Draw an inconspicuous dot on the white- or blackboard, and have the whole class cough every time the teacher walks past it.

_Percy Jackson, Leo Valdez and 56 others like this status._

_Comments:_

**Thalia Grace:** *shrugs* I don’t go to school anymore, but set fire to a part of the school. Usually gets you off class for a few days.

 **Annabeth Chase:** Pick classes you’re interested in!

 **Leo Valdez:** I just spotted an uncountable number of invisible whales!!!

_Jason Grace, Piper McLean and 579 others like this comment._

**Piper McLean:** -Just skip it!

-Sing your questions to the class.

-When the teacher calls role, yell “THAT’S MEEEEEEEEEE! Oh, wait, no. Sorry.” Every time.

-Address the teacher as “Your honour”.

-Pretend you have an invisible friend sitting next to you. No one can sit there, they need there own papers etc.

 **Jason Grace:** -In the middle of class, get up, run to the teacher and just stare at them. Don’t say anything and keep a straight face. When they get uncomfortable, walk back and pretend nothing happened.

-Stand to ask questions and bow deeply every time a question is answered.

-When the teacher isn’t looking, get everyone to make noise, but when he/she looks around, pretend like you heard nothing.

-Have a humming scheme with a handful of people in different positions in the classroom. One person starts, and when the teacher looks at them, someone else takes over and the first person says “What?”. Continue until teacher thinks they’re insane.

-Refuse to say anything for an entire day.

 **Leo Valdez:** -Take a cactus to school.Raise your hand. When called upon say the cactus has a question. look at the cactus and wait for it to say something. when it doesn't shrug and let the teacher continue. do this several times. get angrier each time. As you leave the class yell at the cactus "I can't believe you embarrassed me AGAIN." this is a fun prank.

-Babble total nonsense to the teacher and pretend like they should get it.

-When you get a substitute, have your whole class yell “FRESH MEAT!” at the same time.

-Pretend you don’t know English and speak Spanish at all times.

-Superglue a coin to the floor and watch as people try to pick it up.

 **Percy Jackson:** -Get your whole class to ask permission for literally EVERYTHING.

Like, need to blow your nose? Ask permission. Need to sharpen your pencil? Ask permission.

-Hide the board rubber, and when the teacher goes to get a new one, put it back and act like it was there all along.

-Tell your teacher homework is against your religion.

\- Ask questions that don’t mean anything, like “Remember when you said that thing about the stuff with those thingamies with that particular colour? I’m so confused about it, could you explain that again?”

 **Hazel Levesque:** \- Write F _ _ k on your arm or binder with a marker, and if a teacher (or principal) gives you trouble just say: "It doesn't say a bad word". Then fill in the blanks with a pencil or pen to spell “funk”. Then go to say:"you have such a negative outlook" and walk away.

-Try and convert people to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

\- If you’re failing a test, fill in what you know, then get up, point at the teacher, yell “You ruined Christmas!” and run out.

\- Convince people in different classes to answer every question with a random word, like “llama’s”.

\- Take offense to everything your teacher says. Nonsensical reasons are preferred.

 **Frank Zhang** : -Type your essay in ‘Wingdings’ and act surprised when your teachers say they can’t read it.

\- Set the clock forward an hour.

\- Put vaseline on the doorknobs.

\- Unplug the computer and watch as the teacher struggles.

\- Have a sit-down strike!

 **Grover Underwood** : -Push ctrl+alt+down-arrow on the computer. The screen image should turn upside down. Repeat with up-arrow to reverse.

\- Fill the classroom with balloons, so no one can really move, get in or out.

\- Get a universal remote control to mess with teacher’s apparature.

\- Zip tie the teacher’s bag to something immovable.

-Make your homework several times and hand them in under make-believe names.

 **Connor Stoll:** -Have your entire class sit silently and stare blankly into space, no matter what the teacher does.

\- Skip class. At the end of the day, go to the teacher and ask a question about what they’d explained, pretending you were there. Get your class to confirm. Watch as they start doubting themselves.

\- Walk up to the teacher and act angry. Claim they’ll have to be your brother-in-law, because they got your older sister pregnant. Persist. Tell them they should be ashamed of themselves, getting so drunk they don’t even remember.

\- Go to the principal’s office with some friends and insist you were sent there by a teacher. Make a teacher up, but insist they exist.

-Get some farm animals, paint 1, 2, and 4 on them and set them loose. Wait for teachers to search for the third one.

 **Travis Stoll:** -TP your classroom

\- Pretend to have a heart-attack.

\- Put a ‘quarantine’ sign on the door to the main building. Make sure it looks authentic.

\- Stick something of your teacher’s in Jell-O.

\- Give your English teachers ‘Brownees’ in silver paper. Put brown E’s in it.

 **Nico di Angelo** : -Change the sign of your school to something funny and wait until someone notices.

\- For weeks, warn your teacher you’ll prank them. Then don’t.

\- Wear a dress to school and tell the teachers to stop bullying you if they give you strange looks.

\- If you have the same teacher twice in a day, change clothes in between the classes. Make it noticeable, then pretend like you were wearing the same thing all along.

-Draw a stick-man on the board, and when the teacher wipes it yell “NO! YOU KILLED WILLIAM!”

 **Will Solace:** -Insist you changed your name to Princess Consuela Bananahammock and wish to be addressed like that.

\- Refuse to eat lunch from the cafeteria, because the lunch ladies are furies poisoning the food with radioactive material. Insist they get a Geiger-counter to prove you wrong.

\- Put post-its on everything in the classroom and get upset if someone removes one. Be thorough.

\- Sneak into the principal’s office and inform everyone there’s no school for the rest of the day over the PA, or spout nonsense.

-Don’t make your homework, and when the teacher asks why, shout “You don’t know what I’ve been through! You don’t know my pain!”.

 **Clarisse La Rue** : -Hide a burner somewhere and keep calling it.

\- Tape a paper saying “Kick me” to the doors. Kick them every time you pass. Make sure to make noise.

\- Insist you have to cito presto watch the newest episode of Dr. Who, regardless of whether there is one. Freak out and say it’s a matter of life and death when teacher refuses.

\- Switch classes with another one. When the teacher of the other class arrives, pretend like nothing’s wrong.

-Change seats every time the teacher turns his back.

 **Annabeth Chase** : Gods, you people are awful!

 

_Leo Valdez has updated his status:_

(._.)  (:|)  (.-.)  (|:)

_Comments:_

**Calypso:** ?

 **Leo Valdez:** They see me rollin’, they don’t care.

 **Calypso** : What?

**Leo Valdez:** Nevermind...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do not try this at home. Or in school.  
> DISCLAIMER: The author, MuffinsandUnicorns, AKA I, doesn’t agree with some of the aforementioned activities, such as setting schools on fire and playing hookey.   
> If you try one of these pranks, it’s YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. The consequences are yours to bare. (Let me know if you try one of innocent ones, I’d like to know how it went :))  
> Do not trigger fire alarms as a prank!
> 
> I know I said this would be longer, and I fully intended it, and I wrote it… But I was so thoroughly discontented with it, this is all that survived the frustrated backspace.  
> I only realized I maybe should have just posted it and seen what you guys thought afterwards… But I don’t want to give you guys things like that, which brings me to the next point.
> 
> Sadly, this is on hold until October.   
> For one thing, the last three chapters have been difficult for me to come up with, and I think they’re subsequently less funny.  
> Also, you guys deserve all the total randomness of my brain, and right now I’m feeling particularly normal. (Let me tell you, it’s not a good feeling.) I don’t want to give you guys things that even I don’t think that funny, so. Yeah.  
> Give my brain some time to amass more randomness, okay?  
> So, I’ve decided to take the Wattys JustWriteIt challenge. It’s a romance and I’m not sure I’ll be able to really finish it. If I can’t do it, I’ll delete it and pretend it never happened. Sound plan, right? :) That’s all of September.  
> (And no, it’s not cliché.  
> Well, I hope it’s not.)  
> So hopefully, if I take my mind of this, I’ll get back and have a head full of llamas and unicorns and rainbows and whales and it’ll be awesome.  
> Bye for now!


	11. Japanda the Whale and the FSM

_Leo Valdez has uploaded a picture._

_Leo Valdez tagged Japanda the whale._

_Leo Valdez and Percy Jackson like this picture._

_Comments:_

**Leo Valdez:** IT’S A WHALE!

 **Thalia Grace** : Leo!!

 **Leo Valdez:** But Thals! It’s a REAL whale, see? It’s different!

 **Thalia Grace:** No it isn’t!

 **Leo Valdez:** Yes it is!

 **Thalia Grace:** No it isn’t!

 **Leo Valdez** : Yes it is!

 **Thalia Grace:** No it isn’t!

 **Leo Valdez:** No it isn’t!

 **Thalia Grace:** Yes it is!

 **Thalia Grace:** Dammit!

 **Leo Valdez:** VICTORY IS MINE!

 **Japanda the Whale:** *whale sounds*

 **Percy Jackson:** Hey buddy. Unfortunate that you’d have to be named Japanda…

 **Japanda the Whale:** *spouts water*

 **Percy Jackson:** Yeah, I hear you. You wanna go for a swim?

_Japanda the Whale and Percy Jackson have logged off._

 

_Jason Grace has changed his profile picture._

_*Photo of Jason with a sieve on his head*_

_Jason Grace has updated his status:_

Your Noodley Goodness, please save me from the marines, I am just a humble pirate fighting global warming in your name, RAmen!

_This status confused RARA, Octavian, Pope Francis and 8 billion others._

_Comments:_

**Piper McLean:** I wanted to ask but then I realized that I just really don’t want to know.

 **Annabeth Chase:** *Ramen. Even though I have no idea what it is.

 **Percy Jackson:** *le gasp* Annabeth doesn’t know something!!

 **Camp Halfblood** : *le gasp²*

 **Camp Jupiter** : *le gasp³*

 **Jason Grace:** It is RAmen. So said Mosey the Pirate and Bobby Henderson our prophet.

 **Jupiter** : Well, I always knew it was coming -he’s done for. Completely lost it.

 **Jason Grace:** What? No, I’m totally healthy. BTW thanks for the vote of confidence, dad -.-’. I joined a new religion! I’m now a spagnost! Or Pastafarian, whichever you may prefer.

 **Leo Valdez:** Look, I know it’s rude to laugh at crazy people, but a) you’re my friend b) you’re asking for it. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

 **Hazel Levesque** : Annnnnnd he’s gone as well.

 **Jason Grace:** To quote our great leader Bobby Henderson: “With millions, if not thousands, of devout worshipers, the Church of the FSM is widely considered a legitimate religion, even by its opponents, who have accepted that our God has larger balls than theirs.”

 **The Gods:** Aca-scuse you?

 **Percy Jackson** : Excuse me indeed, while I go poke out my inner eye.

 **Calypso:** Aaaaagh! That mental image! I’m so traumatized I can’t bear the thought of ever seeing again!

 **Leo Valdez:** YOU GUYS ARE ALL CHRISTIAN?! Why did no one ever tell me that?! I haven’t gone to church since I got to Camp Halfblood!

 **Thalia Grace:** *hits Leo Valdez over the head*

 **Leo Valdez:** Au! *rubs sore spot* What was that for?

 **Thalia Grace** : Idiocy. Sheer Idiocy.

 **Annabeth Chase:** Is no one going to ask what the church of the FSM is?

 **Jason Grace:** The FSM is the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

 **Percy Jackson** : Oh, right. Stupid us. I mean, who doesn’t know that.

 **Thalia Grace:** *hits Percy over the head*

 **Percy Jackson:** Aw! What was that for?

 **Thalia Grace:** I wanted to. I’m feeling violent. LOOK OUT, WORLD!

 **Annabeth Chase:** If this church is actually a thing, why aren’t there any… Churches or chapels or whatever? Also, Seaweed Brain, didn’t you log off?

 **Percy Jackson:** … Ehm. Well. Apparently the author forgot about that.

 **Jason Grace:** That’s one of the I’d really rather you didn’t’s.

 **Annabeth Chase:** The I’d really rather you didn’t’s?

 **Jason Grace** : The 8 I’d really rather you didn’t’s were given to Mosey the Pirate by the Flying Spaghetti Monster. The FSM’d really rather you didn’t build him churches and such because you can much better spend that money on orphanages and houses for the poor and food for the hungry and whatnot.

 **Hazel Levesque:** That’s not such a bad theory.

 **Jason Grace** :  I know! Pastafarianism is right about so many things! Like, global warming is totally because of the decreasing number of pirates in the world. I mean, how did I miss that before today?

 **Poseidon:** …

 **Athena** : …

 **Annabeth Chase** : …

 **RARA** : …

 **Chiron:** …

**Literally Everyone Ever** : … 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!   
> I've amassed new randomness and crazy things humans do.  
> The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster really is a thing. It was created by Bobby Henderson when the state of Kansas obligated schools to teach intelligent design, namely creationism, as well as the theory of evolution. The story is definitely worth reading ;). Anyway. Bye.


	12. Dudeism, Mango Cheese, ToA and Christmas

_Frank Zhang has updated his status:_  
If Jason can be a Pastafari, I can be a Dude. I’m joining Dudeism, because man, that rug really tied the room together and honestly I just don’t give a flying f*ck about this meeting.  
 _Jason Grace, Percy Jackson and 476 others like this._  
 _RARA and Hazel Levesque dislike this._  
 _Comments:_  
 **Percy Jackson** : Aww, man! Is there even anything left for me?? I mean, I want a cool religion and be original too :(  
 **the author** : I’ll think about it, Perce. ***computer mist***  
 **Clarisse La Rue:** You’re not capable of being original, Prissy. That sort of thing requires brains. Maybe you can borrow your girlfriend’s?  
 **Piper McLean** : You’re being rude, Clary.  
 **Clarisse La Rue** : I’m a daughter of Ares, I’m supposed to be rude and insult people and not really have much of a nuanced character, because this is a fanfiction in which I’m not the protagonist and ain’t nobody got time fo that shizzle.  
 **Piper McLean:** I believe in you! You can break free from the chains of fanfiction clichés and become your own person and be nice and love rainbows!  
 **Clarisse La Rue:** WHAT? Rainbows?! Even if I did grow a normal personality overnight, I still wouldn’t love RAINBOWS! I like death and gore and blood and lots of brains out of skulls!! (Oh, here’s the cliché me again). I’ll teach you!  
 _Clarisse La Rue has logged off to teach Piper McLean._  
 _Piper McLean has logged off to run aw- I mean, stand like a woman and fight. Yeah. Stand like a woman and fight._  
 **Hazel Levesque:** FRANK! Apologize at once!  
 **Apollo** : You mean apollogize? ;)  
 **Hazel Levesque** : No, I mean apologize.  
 **Apollo** : Sure, honey. ;) ;) *fades into darkness*  
 **Hazel Levesque:** Uhm, okay.  
 **Frank Zhang** : I meant fudge. Yeah, fudge. Like the cake stuff. Dumb autocorrect… You know how it gets.  
 **RARA** : PRAETOR ZHANG, GET YOUR HEAD BACK INTO THIS SENATE HEARING RIGHT NOW, BEFORE I *censored content* AND *more censored content* AND DON’T YOU DARE ABANDON ME RIGHT NOW! YOU ARE A SON OF ROME, ACT LIKE IT!  
 **Frank Zhang:** Well, technically I’m a son of Mars-  
 **RARA:** FRANK!  
 **Frank Zhang:** Hey, careful, man, there’s a beverage here.  
 **RARA:** Life does not stop and start at your convenience, you *even more censored content*. This isn’t Camp Halfblood, this is New Rome. There are rules!  
 **Terminus:** Exactly! Rules! Which is why I’d like to know how you got a beverage into the curia? HHHHHMMMMMMM? *le crazy stare*  
 **Vitellius** : This generation doesn’t have any respect for anything and anyone anymore. Back in my day, discipline and respect were values we held high! Rules built the Roman Empire into the great force it became! But now, none of that! As if we don’t have a reputation to uphold! As if the Empire is only a memory now that it’s technically fallen! This abomination *Facebook has decided to cut this endless speech off. If you would like to read more, please click here*  
 **Frank Zhang** : You can’t be worried about that shizzle, man! Life goes on!  
 **The Beatles** : OBLADI OBLADA LIFE GOES ON HEY! LALALALA LIFE GOES ON!  
 **Hazel Levesque** : *screams hysterically, then faints*  
 **Leo Valdez:** .___. Beatlemania  
 **the author:** ahahahahahah I’m too tired to research if Hazel was around for Beatlemania. Ah whale. ***computer mist***  
 **Everyone in choir** : IT’S A WHALE!!!!  
 **the author:** yes, that’s what I said --Oh right ***computer mist***   
**Jason Grace** : You go, Frazzle-Dazzle!! Follow yo dreams!  
 **Frank Zhang** : Frazzle-Dazzle?????? What?  
 **Jason Grace** : Don’t judge, the author is currently sleep-deprived.  
 **Annabeth Chase** : Author? What author?  
 **Jason Grace** : … No one. There’s no author. Where did you get that? I didn’t say anything! I’m stupid, don’t listen to me.  
 **Annabeth Chase:** … Okay?  
 **Drew Tanaka** : Look, I dont rly get whats going on hear but siriusli a rug? Thats so basic!  
 **Annabeth Chase:** *cringe*  
 **Frank Zhang** : *flips hair back* It’s not basic, it’s sooooo fetch!

Leo Valdez has updated his status:  
Since Jason is a Pastafari and Frank is a Dude, I’ve decided I’m an Einherjar.  
 _This status confuses a lot of people I’m too lazy to think of._

 _Comments:_  
 **Annabeth Chase:** Einherjar = dead warrior for Odin in Norse mythology.  
 **Calypso Valdez:** Honey, you’re not dead.  
 **Leo Valdez:** *whispers* SSSHHHHT the valkyries don’t know that!  
 **The Valkyries** : We kinda do. It’s our job, ya know.  
 **Percy Jackson:** Oh, come on!!   
**the author:** Fine. Jeez. Stop complaining, it makes my head hurt. What’s that? It’s the exhaustion? I’m sure it is. The complaining sure as Hades ain’t helpin’.  
 **Percy Jackson:** O.O  
 **Hades:** WHO ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU STILL CURSING IN MY NAME???  
 **the author:** I forgot the computer mist, didn’t I?   
**the author: *computer mist* *obliviate*** Wrong fandom? HA! I’m God here, so I can obliviate all I want. In fact, I obliviate you!  
 **Hades** : What am I doing here??  
 _Hades logged off confusedly._  
 **Percy Jackson** : Oh, come on!  
 **Annabeth Chase:** I know something you can be, Seaweed Brain. *whispers in ear*  
 **Percy Jackson** : I like that!! I am a HOMELESS VAMPIRE NINJA!

 _Hazel Levesque has updated her status:_  
Trials of Apollo???? _~with: Apollo_  
 _Comments:_  
 **Apollo:** … Shut up.   
**Percy Jackson** : AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHHHAAAAAA!! :D I can’t believe this!! After all this time of you making fun of me and my thoughts, I can finally returen the favor! *flashlight in face* REVENGE mu-ha-ha-ha!

 _Kronos has updated his status:_  
Christmas Night.  
Evil plans.  
My enemieeeeeees will cry.  
Got all kinds of poisoning, of poisoning my blood.  
Out of hell. To Olympus.  
There’s no right or wrong.  
Plan my revenge, the plan’s airtight, I can’t believe it’s true.  
Now I’m still waiting for the snow to fall, doesn’t really feel like Christmas at all…  
 _Comments:_  
 **the author** : I kind of creeped myself out with this one. Ah well. ***computer mist***  
 **The Olympians:** .________. Extremely subtle. Seriously.  
 **Leo Valdez:** *whispers silently so no one will heqr because it is highly inapropriate* whale!  
 **Poseidon:** Problems with WiFi-security again? _~with: Hades_  
 **Hades:** I wanted to give the heroes a Christmas present… Guess I’ll have to shut it down again.  
 **Demeter** : That’s what you’re worried about? How about the fact that he just threatened to POISON us.  
 **Poseidon** : The Seas are clear.  
 **Zeus** : So is the Sky.  
 **Hades** : And the Underworld.  
 **Athena:** I think we should check stuff like food and beverages.  
 **The Olympians:** Oh, yeah.  
 **the author:** THAT’S AN OLYMPIAN CHRISTMAS CARD FOR YOU, we’ll be back later with more absolute randomness!!  
 **Everyone:** ...  
 **the author** : *glares* You saw nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, guys and gals (I don’t know what I’m saying, LOL). I need you to all take a second and feel important.
> 
> Yeah, you read that correctly. I promised this would be here before Christmas, which obviously didn’t work out, sorry about that, but I have worked the past two and a half hours so it would at least be up on Christmas. It is now 3:45 AM.   
> I could have been asleep right now, but I’m not for you. So feel important, because I love sleep.  
> I don’t have internet right now so I can’t upload it at the moment, but I should manage to upload before I go visit family today...   
> It’s too warm for Christmas and I want snow :(. I do love Christmas :).  
> Do you celebrate Christmas? Do you have a Christmas tree?
> 
> I don’t know if this was really funny, but at this moment I think it is. I might feel differently re-reading this when it’s not the middle of the night… I think the randomness of this is undisputable.
> 
> I kinda took a wrecking ball to the fourth wall, didn’t I? (You’ll never guess what song I’m inwardly singing and facepalming about right now.)
> 
> Dudeism: www.dudeism.com
> 
> Seriously the Mango Cheese fandom members should be called homeless vampire ninjas instead of einherji, because we’re alive and even if we weren’t that’s so much cooler.  
> I don’t even know how the fandom members call themself because I haven’t been active in the online fandom much, so…. yeah.
> 
> Don’t take offense to anything. I’m sleep-deprived.
> 
> MERRY CHRISTMAS AND PERHAPS A HAPPY NEW YEAR IF I DON’T UPLOAD BY THEN!


End file.
